The Feeling of Being Alone and Ignored
Posted on | June 5, 2011 | No Comments
Recently, in one of my groups, a young woman stated that she was tired of being ignored in her outside life. The other women in the
group became silent and one by one, either offered support to the first women or said they felt the same way. A spirited dialogue followed on the number of
people feeling isolated and ignored.One thing is certain. Many people feel left out. When lists are drawn up, it appears that these women at least had important contacts but they felt no one was really listening. When we listen are we preparing our own story to show empathy? Are we concerned about comforting this person so we subconsciously redirect them to another feeling because we don't wish to experience their pain or feel protective? Is this manipulating them away from their problems?
Many women who responded that they were sincerely offering comfort were also able to add that they hate when people do that to them. The receiver of this comfort may actually experience frustration becasue they wish to express their feelings and are not looking for someone else to fix the problem. They are asking for reflective, deep listening. They want to experience an open, nonjudgmental association with another human to verbalize their own distress. So comfort is really not more than really listening?
Google Images 2011
Am I being heard???
Tags: alone > contact > dialogue > empathy > groups > heard > ignored > left out > listening > Relationships > women
Aging – A Letter to My Cousin on Breaking the Code
Posted on | March 12, 2010 | 1 Comment
Cara, as I am changing careers, I and a bunch others having been talking fearfully about having to interview with someone HALF OUR AGE! Yes, it will happen and we all have stomach queasinness about it because as you may already know having a few young ones of your own - that generation thinks we're idiots. They have also been taught to blame others for everything because somehow most parents of that generation didn't want their kids to have to experience being WRONG. That would be so HURTFUL and create twisted kids or something. So they have grown up with a sense that they are the smartest folks on the planet. Our schools only taught wood chopping evidently. This is very bad news because without strong work ethic and a sense of responsibility no one is going to be at the business driver seat in a decade or so. I will be checking out early or living safely in a secure environment protected by some strong weapons. A recent article in the WSJ, NYT or SF Chronicle, I read them all, said that anyone over fifty thinking of a job change MUST start their own business because dang if anyone younger is going to hire you. First, they think we screwed everything up and maybe they don't want someone with patience and experience advising them. How's that working for all those parents of teenagers these days? I try to remember what I thought about older people in my late teens and early twenties. I can remember when I first realized my parents did not know everything. "They're teaching you what in school? What is that?" I do know that when I did not have respect for an elder's intelligence I was still afraid of them. They were connected and so could make things happen or not happen in your life - scary! Recently I admitted I did not know how to speak the language of the younger generation. It sounds like a lot of paraphrases and tech words. I know the individual word components but I just don't understand how that is construed as COMMUNICATION. I try different approaches when communicating with anyone much younger. Arching my eyebrow works about half the time. Using a thoughtful and appreciative facial expression with a slight nod seems to throw them off and they think we are understanding each other. Hah! This is one of my recent rants on my blogsite: Helpchatonline.com and Aging.
Image Courtesy of Google Images
Aging – The First of Ten in a Series
Posted on | February 23, 2010 | No Comments
Normal versus accelerated aging is generally related to our genes and hereditary issues and codependent effects from and to other parts of the body. One small problem kicks off another. But on a smaller scale, cellular aging may be changeable. Senescence, the aging of the physical body, can be modified or slowed somewhat by decreasing caloric intake. Vintners, H. (2001). Aging and the human nervous system.
Check back each week for the series on Aging, as well as other interesting subjects.
Talking about the Forbidden
Posted on | April 13, 2009 | No Comments
Recently a female client in a DBT group I run, wanted to discuss
her fascination with abusive sex, mainly receiving it. This was a problem of course, as it began to trigger other female clients in the group.
But her questions were good ones, so after talking through some of the issues with the triggered clients, I started a little research project.
There is an online site called Fetish Life or buy cialis online fetlife.com. It is mostly straight though there are gay members. I was impressed with the level of sharing, articulation and empathy among its member s and it’s FREE! For some members it seemed helpful and empowering to talk about their reasons for taking ‘control mastery’, that is taking control and recreating a sexually traumatic situation from their past.
I highly recommend this site as a place to share thoughts and actions on
taboo sexual subjects. It is amazingly well done and the members are quite supportive.
Image Courtesy of Google Images
Shawn Nichols
Tags: abuse > Add new tag > DBT > Dialectical Behavior Therapy > fetish > Fetlife > forbidden > gay sex > honest > sexual > straight sex > taboo
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