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Thoughts roaming back and forth in my head.

The Ephemeral Nature of Validation

Posted on | November 22, 2012 | No Comments

The Ephemeral Nature of Validation As a child-to-adult development researcher I have seen the enormous individual insistence on unstable sources of personal validation in my consulting work. The necessity of maintaining a positive sense of self in harsh or competitive work environments takes a toll on our ability to refresh for each day and new conflicts. The emotional drag of unresolved childhood issues, combined with defensive adaptive strategies on boarded through adulthood, lead to more emotionally reactive yet less fundamentally reflective individuals. We cannot gear up for war each day if we are consumed by our vulnerability. So we shut down, compensate in unhealthy ways, and building frustrations create unusual work environment behaviors. Our work, it seems, becomes one third self cheerleading, one third defensive actions, and one third performance – if we’re lucky. Think about your toughest professional crisis. Did it affect your relationships, volume of professional contributions, standard of your deliverables? Honestly, it has and will again. Shawn M. Nichols

Google Images, 2012

Category: Coaching, Working Environment Concerns
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“Our lives are not our own. We are bound to others, past and present, and by each crime and every kindness, we birth our future.”

Posted on | November 11, 2012 | No Comments

Cloud Atlas, message, and movie. “There is a natural order to this world and those who seek to undermine it do not fare well.” –  A challenge for us all………
Category: Relationships, World Events
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Accessing the Internal – Damage Control

Posted on | October 17, 2012 | No Comments

Accessing the Internal - Damage Control Much of my work is with troubled individuals in large organizations. These can be the hyper-talented manager who does not handle all aspects of their job well, the paradox of CEO’s who want comfortable but compelling change within their organizations, or the belief systems that condone suffering in isolation. Coaching with these men and women almost always descends to a part of their core; childhood, maladaptive skills, and long held unrealistic assumptions. My major concern is to be in that space with them to understand the causes and consequences of these aspects but also bring them safely out of that vulnerable space. While not a psychotherapeutic relationship, my consulting work has seen many painful and long-hidden disclosures on the part of the coachee. I am grateful for the opportunities that trained me in this area and wonder – when a coach or consultant goes into the heart of the individual, what skills must they possess to bring that person safely through? And if they have not asked their client to dig deeply into their behaviors, can the coach anticipate any sustainable changes for the client? People access all their emotional baggage in moments of stress and to ignore that means that little will improve in the long term. Inviting people to consider change cannot happen without consideration for what is happening now. What is occurring for my client in a troubled space now is based on years of their experience, positive and negative. These memories do not go away because they seem to be forgotten but will always manifest in unexpected ways. The rewards for this journey are great for the individual and that organization that is willing to spend its resources to fully engage the talented and complex individual. Moments of strength occur at the worst times in our life. How ironic, yes? Shawn Michael Nichols, MA, CC

Google Images, 2012

     
Category: Coaching, Relationships, Shame/Humiliation

The Protector Role of Governments

Posted on | September 23, 2012 | No Comments

The Protector Role of Governments   They will destroy us and we will destroy them. Despite the views of their citizens, both centrist and extreme, the governments of countries are charged with protecting their own citizens. When the governments’ messages are inauthentic – bullying for attention, need for oil resources, or to cover for morally and financially bankrupt states – unexpected responses ramp up the confusion and finger pointing.   Who has the responsibility to police the police? Are the world police listening to their handlers and what assures them that their actions are fully supported by their citizens? Is there a group of psychopaths spread among all the citizens of the world who really seek the end of the planet? These actions and messages come from groups within ALL countries. Are these really the enemies, within and outside our borders? Have they sold their compatriots short AND down the river?   Ironically, apathy will be the final blow.  

Google Images 2012 for Pugh

Shawn Nichols, MA
Category: Religious and Spiritual, Shame/Humiliation, World Events
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