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Do You Cringe When You Hear Yourself? So Do Others

Posted on | February 12, 2014 | No Comments

Do You Cringe When You Hear Yourself – So Do Others I was working with a group that had some collaboration issues. There were complaints that several people were withholding themselves and their contributions and it was creating a drag on progress. Sitting in on one of their daily brainstorming meetings, I spotted several problems. Problem One: One of the woman in the group, and it could easily have been a man in another venue, spoke in a whiny, wistful voice that she may have used when she was six years old and found life unfair. It was grating on me. Problem Two: Unfortunately the content of this woman’s comments were also confrontational. Most of what she had to say was either negatively critical of others, implying that others were not up to the task or had failed even before work was done. Her statements always ended in an up note so she sounded either very sarcastic or condescending. In the individual interviews, I asked her and others about traits I observed. Her response was that she felt she was being supportive, perhaps even coddling others by providing a “motherly” tone of voice. I assured her I didn’t find her effect as she had planned. Problem Three: Either through nervousness or condescension, a man in the group started each comment with a slight laugh. His faux laugh was equally irritating, and he used it each and every time he spoke, which was seldom.
Presentation Google Images 2014

Presentation
Google Images 2014

In the interview, I told him what I surmised about his speaking style. He was astonished and defensive. Where I saw a judgmental attitude, he claimed to project “I’m just a new guy here” kind of apology to everything he said. He said his manner was one of “I’ve just had a thought about what you said – consider it”. I asked him how often people continued such a conversation and he was long and thoughtful about the lack of response he was getting. I truly sound awful but it’s getting better. I speak too quickly, say too much, and think straight from the heart and less from the brain. Being recorded for both audio and video was a wake-up call. Videos of meetings were informative, because I’d lost the sense of needing a script or speaking for a camera. Try it sometime. You might not like the message you’re sending despite best intentions. Shawn Nichols Shawnnichols.com
Category: Leadership Commitments, Working Environment Concerns
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